A Womans Blog

To Vegan or Not To Vegan

Tawnya Jonsek — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 09:49:22 +0000

Well, that’s not exactly the question because I’m not even sure if I’m asking myself to give up anything. In fact, I’m NOT asking myself to give up anything. What I am doing is looking at a few things I’ve heard lately (factory farming to name one – a term I had never even heard of nearly a month ago), doing a little research and examining my conscience (Are animals grossly mistreated in our culture? Does it matter? Can I live with this mistreatment? Does it impact me or the culture I live in?).

I’ve heard stories about how cows are mishandled and torn from their babies over and over so I can have a slice of cheese. I want to know if this is true. Is it true everywhere or just in a few places? Do I have options that DON’T involve inflicting suffering on cows? (Which, by the way, are very intelligent creatures, capable of remembering faces and learning what their ‘name’ is and coming to someone when they are called. Would I be ok with someone treating my beloved pet dog this way?)

I have decided to not buy products tested on animals. While it means I am having to give up some old favorites and find new ones (I loved my Pantene shampoo and L’oreal), it also means I have the satisfaction of knowing products I consume, which are NOT necessary for my survival, have not caused suffering or pain on any living thing just so they could end up in my cabinet. It was an easy decision and one I’m happy with making.

And for the veganism? Well, I don’t know about that. I do know I want to make conscientious and compassionate choices. I don’t want to think of animals in horrible conditions, miserable, in agony and unable to live life as they should just so I can eat a cheeseburger. So I don’t know what will come of this. But since I’ve been exposed to these ideas, I have to research for myself and weigh whatever I learn with what feels right for me.

I’m starting with watching the movie Food, Inc. Then I’ll probably start looking at the humane society’s website, as well as doing a little extra “googling” myself. From there? Who knows… But I plan on blogging about it and taking you with me on this journey. Buckle up, tune in and speak out! Tell me what you think and what you know!

Budgets Budgets Budgets

Tawnya Jonsek — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 09:55:53 +0000

Ok. Budget is NOT my favorite word. I associate the word budget with math and instantly my mind seizes up in fear or disgust, I’m not really sure which, because once someone introduces the likelihood that I would have to pull out an abacus (ok, calculator – but it really does feel that dreadful), I check out. The rest of whatever they say seems like so much “Wah, wah, wah” all the adults speak in Peanuts TV specials.
But, one of my big goals for myself was to never EVER NEVER be in the position I was in last year when I was getting a divorce. I had thrown all my eggs into the basket of my marriage. I had NOT saved a dime in any sort of separate fund. I had quit my job and was a full time mommy. (Now please, I don’t slam SAHMs but let’s face it, you lose some financial power when you don’t have a payroll check with your name on it, a 401K, in your name, with funds deposited regularly and your own credit cards). I also am not in complete favor of totally separate accounts when you are married. Still – I knew things were bad. I knew our marriage was extremely shaky.
Had I been smart, I would’ve had a backup plan. I also wouldn’t have let yet another man screw my credit score. In between marriages, I had worked really hard to repair the damage marriage #1 had wrought on my credit. I finally had a great credit score. But there I was a second time, in the aftermath of marriage #2, with even worse credit this time around. Why? Because I wasn’t firm in standing up for my financial rights. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions and I let someone else (read: ex-husband) tell me what WE were going to do with MY credit. (His credit was non-existent because he was a foreigner so anything having to do with credit was done in my name.)
I also had a difficult time finding a job in last year’s economic climate. Even with a Master’s degree under my belt, being out of the workforce for mommy-hood put a dark smudge on my resume. (I felt this was unfair, but fairness usually has NOTHING to do with the reality of how life plays out.)
So for most of this year, I’ve been treading water and a few times I feared I would go under for good. I found a job (a job I LOVE) but was so far in the hole and was making so little at the time, every dollar was a struggle. As I proved myself and my income increased (and still is in the process of doing so, Thank God), I began making changes in how I do things and where I spend my money. But budgeting was still a scary thing for me.
This is where my life coach, Jennifer Priest stepped in. Together, over the last few months, we’ve been creating a plan and making steps to take the fear out of budgeting and make my financial goals a reality. Over the next few weeks, I’ll discuss what happened, not just on a practical level, but how facing my finances and budget head on impacted me emotionally and spiritually. And, I’ll give you a glimpse of what’s to come and how I plan on getting there.
If you have a tip or somehow relate to what I say, please share! I am NOT an expert, only a real woman sharing her real story.

Looking Forward

Tawnya Jonsek — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 02:19:59 +0000

Last year when I gave myself goals, I was coming from a place of things to do, what I need to accomplish. Not that this is evil or wrong, but this year as I look forward, I am not creating a list from the same place. I’ve grown. I’ve matured in ways I never even considered last year. I’ve let go of this image of myself, this need for perfection and am walking in a place of love and compassion for myself and others.

Last year, I set a definite time frame for my ‘relationship status’. Not that I stated I would only be single for one year, but that I would purposefully NOT be in a relationship for at least one year. This year, I’m letting go of this. This does not mean I will now start looking for ‘the one’. Quite the opposite. It simply means I’ve let go of the thought it takes another person to make me happy and I’ve now become comfortable in my own presence. I am open to life bringing me someone or not bringing me someone. I am releasing the pressure to be ‘a couple’ and am enjoying the belief that on a higher level I am connected and a part of all living things. I also sense, at this point, the most wonderful relationships, whether romantic or friendship, are the kind that aren’t forced or chased after but develop and bloom as naturally as a flower takes root. And once the root takes hold, it will be my pleasure and joy to water and tend and care for the tender plant of communion with another person.

So, in less flowery words – I am happy and fulfilled with who I am. I don’t reject the idea of a romantic relationship but I don’t chase after it either.

Now on to a new kind of list.

I honor my body and my spirit. It is my intention to listen to and heed the inner voice that leads me every day. I do this with my eating, with my physical activity, with the people I choose to spend time with, with the rest I get, with what I put my energy and focus and attention towards.

I allow myself to live in the moment. I don’t focus on what should be or what was, but on the moment as it comes and give myself fully to it. When I am with loved ones, I focus and give my full attention and presence to them.

I recognize my thoughts are the foundation for what my life is. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. This wisdom carries me in every situation – financial, emotional,physical, spiritual.

Maybe you noticed how I framed my intentions for this year differently than last year. I plan on re-visiting this list as often as I can. I don’t expect perfection. I let go of the fear of failure or the pride of success and allow what is to bloom fully in me to unfold as only God can.

A Year in Review

Tawnya Jonsek — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:44:52 +0000

It’s been a year. One year since deciding to stay single and away from a relationship. One year of giving myself more importance in my list of priorities. One year to learn it’s ok to be alone. One year.

I was looking back through posts in my blog from a year ago to see how I had changed and if I had managed to keep at least most of my promises to myself. I found this post from July 13th, which I had forgotten I’d even written. Looking over the post, I realized while I hadn’t acomplished everything on the list, I actually did most of it and even a few things I never even contemplated or thought I’d accomplish.

Here’s the original list with comments added:

Must Do

Get a job. Not only do I have a job, but I’ve never loved working somewhere more.
Become the healthiest, most fit me ever. (I’ve lost all that baby weight.It took two years. Now I want to drop a few more and tone up. I also want to eat healthier on a daily basis.) DONE! YAY! I’m not where I want to be, but I can actually wear my prom dress. Whoopie!
Incorporate Yoga into my daily life again. (At one time, I woke up EARLY, did the 5 rites, meditated/prayed, exercised & did yoga DAILY. I want to get back to a regular yoga practice.) Interestingly enough, I haven’t exactly fit yoga in daily, but the first part of that (five rites, meditation/prayer) I recently started again without even remembering this on my list.
Pick one of the languages I’ve studied & brush up my knowledge. I’d like to be conversational in another language again. I want to be able to say something beyond asking for cognac & cigarettes at the disco, which is what my high school Spanish teacher taught us and what stuck with me. Quiero un cognac. Prefeiro cigarillos. !Vamos a discotheque!) Ok, I didn’t even start this beyond putting an app on my phone. LOL oh well. How important is it really in my growth and day to day life?
Work on my novel daily or at least 5 days a week. I had to drop this off my list. I put my spiritual, mental and emotional health, as well as my relationship to my children first. I couldn’t fit this in on a daily basis and keep the other more important things in place.
Start a solid savings plan and pay off any credit card debt. I”m becoming more stable and paying off debt, but hope to do more in the next year.
Become comfortable eating alone in a restaurant. Totally there. I even go to the movies alone and feel just fine.
Buy or pick a regular floral bouquet for myself. Meh, I forgot this one. Oh well, it must not’ve been important to me.
Begin reading more classical and modern-to-become classic literature. I’ve read more literature than I could list here in a paragraph.

Nice-to-do

Take a vacation. Due to a friends’ generosity, I get to do this next month. Yay Julie & Maria!
Buy myself a beautiful piece of expensive jewelry. Not even close, unless $5 counts as expensive. LOL
Treat me & a friend to a fabulously expensive meal in an upscale restaurant. Did this last week.
Take an acting class. I don’t know of ANY acting classes where I’m at, but I started guitar lessons. I say it’s substitute-able.

Over all, the most important thing I got from this year was realizing my happiness was not dependent on circumstance or relationships or any external factor. I am responsible for my happiness. And I can experience true joy simply by shifting my thoughts and what my focus is. Once I understood this, so many other truths fell in place it would take more than a month of daily posts to discuss this.

Coming soon! – I made a wonderful, dear, treasured friend who has encouraged me and together walked with me in a spiritual dimension of growth and beauty. It’s such a beautiful experience I want to keep most details private, but I do want to share soon how this communion has impacted me and deepened me.

In Search of Balance

Tawnya Jonsek — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:07:22 +0000

I started this blog several years ago as an outlet – a creative, emotional outlet. It’s underlying theme and focus has been to seek balance in my life and to explore where I’m unbalanced and how to correct it.

Along the way, I’ve grown. The pressing urge to become perfect has fallen away. In it’s place is a compassion for myself and an awareness that perfection is not the goal, but continual improvement. When I am aware of being caught up in negativity, I’m pleased because the awareness signals to me I’m improving and am not trapped and held powerless by my thoughts. Life has become a practice – practice in being gracious, in being present in the moment and not trapped by the past or caught up in the future.

It frees me from being hurt by others because I realize others’ actions might affect circumstances but only I have the power to let it affect my soul. I can choose to be grateful for any lessons learned. I can choose to be still and understanding. I can choose to love or I can choose to be bitter, resentful and hate-filled. It is my choice. Knowing this is liberating. Sometimes I have to actively remind myself I have the choice, but the choice is and always has been mine.

So in search of balance, I’ve let go of the pressing goal for balance. Ironically, it’s in letting go that balance comes.