Image by Paul Reynolds

Ok – yesterday I got about six months of thought off my chest.  I released it – and dealt with it – long before I wrote about it. It wasn’t the whole of the matter. It didn’t touch on my joys of last year or my own faults or extenuating circumstances. And it was mostly gloom with a touch of hope.

So today, a little reminder to myself and hopefully to you – life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. Some of my most cherished memories involve moments in my life that outwardly would’ve seemed like some of my darkest.

Like cooking dinner with my best friend, making mudslides and dancing in her living room – all while we lived together because we both were going through a divorce. There’s this little shiny halo, an aura of gold around those mental pictures in my mind. And I feel all warm and fuzzy when I think about those times. Sure, life was hard. I was scared because I was going to be alone.  My stomach was swimming in acid most days over my finances and I was working two jobs to make sure my son and I would have what we needed. But I think on how much fun, how special and wonderful and precious those days really were.  My friend and I bonded and developed a beautiful friendship that probably wouldn’t be possible if we never experienced that sort of pain.

Then there were the moments, in the last few years, where I’d crank up the music and dance with my sons in the living room. And we’d act silly and twirl around and drink up the ability to just enjoy life for the simple reason of ‘because we can’.

And I look back to days when I sat with my friend in her studio, listening to music and being transported to “that place” because the music took us there. And we let all the other shit fall to the side and simply be in the moment.

Because life will never be perfect.

And it’s the contrast that makes the beauty of it all become clear.

And sometimes you just have to go out there and make your own happiness and find your own bliss and be who you are, however you are, with whomever you’re with.

And if you approach all moments, especially the darker ones, with that mindset – you’ll never know what precious gem you’ll find.

So enjoy the kitty picture – remember if you look with eyes wide open, there’s no telling what you’ll find.

And maybe it’s not relevant but this song comes to mind. Not sure if the words fit but in the moment it fits my thought of being happy regardless of where you are.

Love the One You’re With

And I’m grateful for the wordpress app which allows me to post to my blog.

Now for son #3.

Dear Birdie,

You probably don’t even remember that sweet little nickname I gave you when you were an infant. Now that you are older, I dropped the name so as not to embarrass you. But that is what you were called. I was such a naive mom. I had no idea what I was doing. But above all else, know that I love with all my heart. You were my first. As my first, I tended to make more mistakes with you. And I was more scared. I can’t help but laugh at how I thought I “broke” you when I gave you a bath that was too cold. I’ll explain that one later and not in public. Or the time I accidently shut the door, or almost shut the door, on your foot. I panicked and called the ER. The nurses laughed at me and explained that as long as there was no swelling you’d be alright. And you were.

I know without a doubt you have something great in store for your life. The potential is all there. I hope I am able to prepare you with all you need. First, you are very intelligent. I don’t know many other 8 year olds that could read Harry Potter books two through seven in just over a month on their own. Your grades in school thrill me. Always straight A’s. Even in math. I’m glad you finally realized that you could do it.

You see, there is something special about you. You are VERY stubborn. And while that is a challenge to me at times, what I know is that when you make your mind up to do something, you will get it done. As long as I can guide you to put your efforts in the right direction, you will be fine. In fact, that is one of the most important lessons I hope I can teach you. You have the ability. And when you have the determination, you can be anything and do anything you decide to do.

You have a big heart. You love people and could make friends with a stick if you decided to. Just remember to always be kind. Think about what others need and want and consider that when you make your decisions. Remember – be true to yourself, but in doing so, don’t trample over the feelings of others. If you can get that straight, you will succeed in life.

I don’t know what you will be when you grow up. But I know whatever it is, you have the potential to change and improve the lives of many people. Why am I so sure? Because you do love people. Because you, at the core, are very caring. Because you are intelligent and capable of persevering until you see a thing accomplished. And because sometimes, without me even saying so, you realize that something you’ve done is wrong and you tell me about it. You even have a habit of realizing things that some adults don’t even get and learning a lesson from it. Like about waiting in life, in standing up for others and in loving your brothers.

I want you to know I am proud of you. I love you. I always will. You are special to me more than I could describe in this simple blog post. And, I’m grateful to be your mom.

Love always,
Mom

We all have. I’ve done it. Heck, lately I’ve been doing it nearly every day. Granted, I try to stay positive in my thoughts but I have to admit I’ve been consumed by quite a lot lately. I figure it’s time for a change.

Thanksgiving is only a few days away. And then Christmas. This time of the year has a mythical, magical quality to it. Our movies, our songs and even TV shows tend to focus on people’s expectations of what the holidays should be. Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus and every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. The grinch that stole Christmas gives it back and in just the nick of time the money, person or whatever the need is appears at just the right moment. Those expectations of what we want out of the holiday season can be downright stressful if we let it.

I’ve decided to focus this season on what IS right instead of the things I WISH were right. Maybe my circumstances will change. Maybe they won’t. But I know that what I put my focus on matters. I call it the grey sky/green grass phenomenon.

When it rains (day time), the skies are generally cloudy, gloomy and grey. If you step outside and focus on the grey, it’s all you really notice. But if you shift your focus to the grass and the trees, you’ll notice something. When the skies are grey, all the green stuff outside is not just green, it’s BRILLIANTLY green. I don’t know if it’s the contrast of the elements or if the light is reflecting off the clouds. But I have noticed it before. And once you notice it, it’s hard not to realize how spectacular the difference is. And how beautiful it is. And suddenly, things aren’t as gloomy as before.

Nothing’s different. It was there before. But now it’s the focus. And focus makes the difference. So – now I’m shifting my focus. Instead of focusing on what’s grey in my life, I’m shifting to the green. Until I feel it’s time to move on, I’ll be blogging about the green in my life. Try it with me. Look for the green. Actively look for the green. And then tell me what you notice and if it changes anything in you.