I had every intention of venting, ranting, finger-pointing – yes, it was to be my moment of glory. The day of reckoning. The grand hour of justice when I exposed, for all to see, the insanity, the venom, the deception of the foe whom shall not be named.

I’m sure you’ve had one before. The person who pushes every button which ever existed in your anguished psyche. The person who acts angelic in front of others then sends texts or letters filled with hidden barbs. The one who, oops, forgot to include you in “whatever event”, all the while you know – YOU KNOW – this person meant to insult you.

Photo by EvilErin of Flikr.com

I’ve been plagued by that someone.

Then I realized –

It wasn’t about me.

Whatever it is, I know beyond all doubt, I did no harm, caused no offense.

So whatever misdeed or perceived threat – it isn’t me.

It’s her.

And her story.

And her pain.

Not me or mine.

And in the very moment yesterday, when I finally engaged her and thought I was calling her out on the carpet, I saw myself. I realized while texts flew in the void,

This is dumb.

Getting involved in her story only brings me pain, stress and anxiety.

I didn’t write her story.

I can only write mine.

And I choose to write mine without this headache in it.

Later, in conversation with a friend, I realized –

I worried about her because I was fearful she would destroy pieces of my life.

And revelation!

She can’t.

Because that story is mine.

Dangerous Seeds of Negativity

But, one of my big goals for myself was to never EVER NEVER be in the position I was in last year when I was getting a divorce. I had thrown all my eggs into the basket of my marriage. I had NOT saved a dime in any sort of separate fund. I had quit my job and was a full time mommy. (Now please, I don’t slam SAHMs but let’s face it, you lose some financial power when you don’t have a payroll check with your name on it, a 401K, in your name, with funds deposited regularly and your own credit cards). I also am not in complete favor of totally separate accounts when you are married. Still – I knew things were bad. I knew our marriage was extremely shaky.
Had I been smart, I would’ve had a backup plan. I also wouldn’t have let yet another man screw my credit score. In between marriages, I had worked really hard to repair the damage marriage #1 had wrought on my credit. I finally had a great credit score. But there I was a second time, in the aftermath of marriage #2, with even worse credit this time around. Why? Because I wasn’t firm in standing up for my financial rights. I didn’t take responsibility for my actions and I let someone else (read: ex-husband) tell me what WE were going to do with MY credit. (His credit was non-existent because he was a foreigner so anything having to do with credit was done in my name.)
I also had a difficult time finding a job in last year’s economic climate. Even with a Master’s degree under my belt, being out of the workforce for mommy-hood put a dark smudge on my resume. (I felt this was unfair, but fairness usually has NOTHING to do with the reality of how life plays out.)
So for most of this year, I’ve been treading water and a few times I feared I would go under for good. I found a job (a job I LOVE) but was so far in the hole and was making so little at the time, every dollar was a struggle. As I proved myself and my income increased (and still is in the process of doing so, Thank God), I began making changes in how I do things and where I spend my money. But budgeting was still a scary thing for me.
This is where my life coach, Jennifer Priest stepped in. Together, over the last few months, we’ve been creating a plan and making steps to take the fear out of budgeting and make my financial goals a reality. Over the next few weeks, I’ll discuss what happened, not just on a practical level, but how facing my finances and budget head on impacted me emotionally and spiritually. And, I’ll give you a glimpse of what’s to come and how I plan on getting there.
If you have a tip or somehow relate to what I say, please share! I am NOT an expert, only a real woman sharing her real story.

For those who are new to the blog, a life coach isn’t a therapist. Neither is she a priest, although my coach happens to be named Priest. Life coaches, more or less, are there to help you figure out what you want in life, form a plan and stick to the plan.

A good life coach (and let me say now that mine is very good) will ask you hard questions about why you haven’t reached goals you’ve made for yourself. It’s almost like therapy in the sense that I’ve discovered, through our talks, little nuggets of truth about myself I didn’t know before.

My life coach doesn’t give advice or help me analyze my childhood. She holds up a mirror to me and helps direct my vision and thoughts to see what is staring back at me. Having her around this last year helped more than I can say.  She’s kept me from getting sidelined by decisions I nearly made that weren’t the best in light of what was important to me.

When I think of everything I’ve gone through, I know it wasn’t an accident we made contact. I’m grateful to know her and have to give her credit for her part in my journey this past year. Please do me a favor and check her site out. If you’ve ever wondered about life coaches, what they do and if they could help you, drop me a line. I’d be happy to share more.

A life coach is not a therapist. For all you O Magazine readers out there – think Martha Beck. I tend to think of a Life coach as a combination cheerleader, idea bouncer and reality checker. For me, Jennifer has helped me stay focused on what it is I really do want in life, from weight loss to career goals, and make sure the decisions I make are the best for me. She also has helped me as I work on staying disciplined, as well as making sure my actions are in line with my values. For example, some of my most important values are to be caring, loving  and compassionate. If there is someone in my life who presses my buttons (we all have them), she helps me figure out the best way to remain grounded when those buttons get pushed and make sure I actively live those values rather than just write about them. Or, if I want to lose weight or get fit, she is the person who I report to on my exercise and other habits.

Having a life coach isn’t about getting therapy. It’s about focusing on what’s important to a person’s life, making a plan and working a plan. Sometimes, it’s also about adjusting the plan when life throws a curveball.

The following is from Jennifer’s website about life coaching:

Personal and Professional Coaching

Personal Coaching is about eliciting fulfilling outcomes in your private and professional life. Coaches are trained to listen, be in tune, and respond to your particular needs.

Coaches know clients are naturally creative and resourceful and it is the coaches’ job to bring out and enhance your greatest skills, tap in to your strongest resources and bring out your innate creativity.

I’m thrilled to have had the pleasure to work with Jennifer. She’s helped me navigate a pretty devastating time in my life. Frankly, I would recommend her services to anyone without hesitation. If you need a life coach, consider Jennifer Priest. She’s professional, confidential, ethical and a pretty smart woman.