Alive!

Tonight, for the first time in over a year, I used a keyboard for something more than a blog post or a tweet or a Facebook update or a newsletter article or web copy. Today, I worked on my novel.

And today, I feel more alive, more connected, more aware of my authentic self than I have in a long, long time. It feels as though I’m fulfilling my purpose.

The last year may have put me in a place where writing was a luxury. (How many single moms of three working full time have you heard of publishing novels? Usually, at the end of the night my brain and body are mush.) I may have worked hard at quieting the throbbing, pleading, yearning push to write. It did, at times, become a soft hum but it never died. Lately the hum grew to a roar within myself I couldn’t ignore. I HAVE TO WRITE.

It’s not that I have to be published, although in some ways that is sort of the point. It’s that I have to write. It’s the process. It’s diving into a world of words I command, or at times that commands me, in and through my imagination. It’s giving myself to my true love and passion in my life.

Blogging, writing articles – these are like the cups of water one may gulp during a marathon. It keeps you going but isn’t meant to be a primary source of energy for the run. Writing fiction? This is what gives me the will to live on.

Until I have achieved success or a rich benefactor pays me to hone my art, I’ll continue to pound away in the language of .net and the whir of processors and binary throes. But at any moment, if I can write, I can live.