We all go through pain. We all endure heartache. We all have moments of joy and happiness. It rains on the just and the unjust alike. Everyone has moments in their life where they face a choice – do I wallow in bitterness or do I move forward and enjoy the moment that is now?

I sit in my duplex tonight writing. My walls are bare. The water in my shower doesn’t stay hot for more than 6 minutes. My car sitting outside in the parking lot is 14 years old. The brights don’t work. The hydraulic arms on my hatch don’t work. One door won’t open from the outside and the window on the front drivers side is now stuck inside the door panel and won’t roll up. And my brakes are now squeaking. I have NO money to fix it. My job is only part-time and I have no benefits. I’m one sickness away from being in serious trouble. The list goes on, but you get the point. I don’t say all that to have you pity me. I’m saying it to point out the fact that I’m not writing this post from a place of fabulous wealth and carefree living.

I am happy. Truly happy. I am also content. I have friends that are so absolutely wonderful I could cry when I think about how caring, protective and loving they are. My family, regardless of our dysfunction, is there for me when I need them. My children are safe, smart and well-adjusted. I LOVE my job. I enjoy what I do and have a great boss. Most of all, I’m happy because I choose to be.

Choosing happiness isn’t easy. It’s not automatic. It’s not like choosing to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It takes work. You don’t wake up and say, “Meh, I think I’ll be happy today” and it magically happens. It’s a deliberate process. It takes trial and error. It means being conscious about what holds your focus. Are you having problems? Experiencing heartache? Plagued with troubles? Then you must belong to the human race. But do you obsess over what ails you? Does it consume your thoughts and control your moods?

If it does, stop. Deliberately think about at least one thing in the moment that is going right. Maybe it’s a friendship. Maybe it’s the fact you have someone in your life that loves you –  your child,  your sister, or your parent. Maybe it’s the fact you are breathing. Find one thing to be grateful for and intentionally think about how thankful you are for that one thing. Do this every time you find yourself wound up on the inside over everything that is wrong in your life. Don’t get frustrated if you don’t change overnight. This process is like shampooing your hair. You have to lather, rinse and repeat.

I can say from experience it works. It’s not a magic bullet. I’m not saying if you do this, you’ll win the lottery or the love your life will appear professing their love. I’m not promising instant cure or even instant relief. But I am saying if you keep at it, it will work for you. Just like boiling water, if you keep the heat on it, things are gonna change.

Welcome back!