So, I’m looking back over the last year, thinking about the biggest lessons I’ve learned so far. Here are my top three:
- I’m the only one that can make me happy. I’m responsible for my own happiness. Not some man, not my children, not my friends or family. They can contribute, enrich my life, but they are not responsible for my happiness. Depending on someone else to make me happy ends in pain because even the best people are bound to disappoint or not quite be there when I want them to, the way I want them to be there. But, if I own the fact that it is my job to make me happy, the likelihood of said happiness is much greater. Plus, the pressure of an impossible job is off the people I love and care about. It leaves them free to share in whatever joy I create in my life. And knowing that I’m responsible for my happiness also means they can’t take it with them when they leave. Because whether they die or walk away, they will someday leave.
- I don’t need a man to be ok. This is in part because I have learned lesson #1. This does not mean I am anti-man or that I am ultra-feminist and have decided to shave my head and protest men in the workplace. It just means I’ve lost any desperation or clinginess I might have had in my 20s. I realize that because I am responsible for my happiness then having a man or not having a man isn’t a requirement for whether or not I’m happy. And if it’s not a requirement then I don’t have to bend over backwards to please someone. They like me or they don’t. And if a man doesn’t like something about me, he can deal with it. It’s not my problem. Because I’m ok. Actually, I’m great. It’s not my fault if he doesn’t see it. If he does see it, and I can deal with whatever issues he has, then he can add extra dimension and compliment the greatness already in my life. And in a weird twist of cosmic harmony, the chances of us being happy together are even greater than if I hadn’t learned this lesson.
- I’m stronger than I think I am. In this past year, I’ve faced many lows. From divorce to my mom’s cancer, I’ve lived through days when I thought to myself, “I don’t think I can make it.” But I did. And this taught me a survival trick. When I think I can’t face something, or the day is too rough, I breathe in. I allow myself to feel whatever panic or fear or hurt is there. I acknowledge that this is what I’m feeling. I don’t deny my feelings. Then I breathe in again and tell myself that whatever this is will not last forever. I will laugh again. I will feel strong again. And I face whatever “it” is. And wouldn’t you know it? I survive.
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We breathe through childbirth because it helps deal with the pain. The same is true of emotional strife. It does get better, and it’s there for a reason… so we can avoid making mistakes twice and learn important lessons… such as the ones above.
I’m feeling strong again, the laughter will soon follow. xox
Sounds like a lot of soul searching has been going on. This is a great start and even tho’ you will have days you want to scream and pull your hair out, sometimes the boys too, take a breath and re-read this and you will be okay. I love and know you are going to be okay.