Leaves of Grass

Leaves of Grass. It’s my favorite book of poetry. It celebrates life, the senses and the human spirit. I thought it a fitting title, although in no way comparable to the genius of Whitman, for my first green grass post. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, read this post first.

When it’s grey out, there is one little man that can always shift my focus. He’s smart, cute and funnier than even I know. And he’s two. So for him and my other little blades of grass, I dedicate this post.

Dear Turkey Butt (my 2 yr old LOVES this nickname),

When I first found out I was pregnant with you I was terrified. I didn’t know if I could handle a third child. I didn’t have insurance and was afraid something would go wrong with the pregnancy. I didn’t even go to the doctor until well into my 2nd trimester. I had to visit her under the guise of a routine visit because it was cheaper than an ob visit. And on that visit, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and had an abnormal pap smear. I didn’t know how I’d pay for the hospital and doctors bills. I was afraid I’d have cancer and not even be around for your second birthday. And as strange as it sounds now, I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough love for you.

You were born just before midnight. I’d been in labor all day. I was exhausted and on meds because my blood pressure dropped dangerously low. I can’t remember now if that was while I was in labor or just after you were born. What I do remember, vividly, is what I felt when they handed you to me. You weren’t even cleaned up yet. You were covered in gunk and blood yet when I looked at you, I was overwhelmed with the most powerful love a person could have. I felt fiercely protective of you. Just ask the nurse who tried to take you for yet another test when after 5 hours I had finally gotten you to sleep. I’m sure she still has nightmares about it.

Looking in your eyes, I had the strangest feeling you already knew the secrets of our universe. You seemed so wise. Gradually that look faded but it was replaced with the sweetest, happiest of looks. You already appear to be very smart. You know your colors and even shapes. And, you have this amazing sense of humor. Already. You are one of three very right things in my life. Any time I am down, your hugs, your kisses and your laughter instantly lift my spirits.

Knowing what I know now about you, I would endure everything I’ve endured to have you. I wouldn’t have been so terrified because I know how very special and magical you are. You have been worth everything I’ve been through to get to the point of having you in my life. Thank you for touching me in such a special way. I’m grateful you are my son.

Love,

Mommy