I have a lot going on in my life. If you are a friend, family member or happen to have read my blog lately, you know this. I’m trying to find my place in this world. I’m trying to crawl from under a rock of a marriage that left me badly bungled. I’m trying to find my voice when it’s been stifled for a long time and heal wounds that run deep.
It’s a process. I’d like to wave a wand over myself and BAM! instantly improve my life, heal my heart and free my soul. It doesn’t work this way. At all. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes things remind me of painful, very painful, memories of the past and I react – not just from what the current situation is, but from all the stored up pain I have from days gone by.
I don’t know the balance between doing it myself and seeking help from others. No man is an island unto himself. I really believe this. I also believe there are some things I, and I alone, have to face.
At times, I am insecure. Other times, I am simply eager. Sometimes, the two meld and create a hot, passionate mess inside me. But it is who I am and what I am at this moment. Sometimes others confuse the two and don’t see the real me on the inside.
And then there are days when I would like to retreat to a place of refuge. A calm inside the storm.
The question is – do I retreat alone or is there someone who is willing to go with me, hold my hand and be my friend?
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The question is yours. You and you alone know when it’s something you need to handle yourself and when it’s something you need help with and when you just need someone to retreat with and just “be”.
I suspect part of your process might be determining which is which and being confident enough in yourself to ask for that help when you need it. If you ask and you’re genuine and you believe YOU are worthy, the friends will be there. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably have to form a line.
Oh mercy me, I’ll hold your hand
But, um, looky here… You need to write a book. Semi-memoir, not sure what…. But your style and honesty rings with some kind of charisma. Ok it’s too late. I am not sure that writing has charisma…. But you get the point. I guess, keep doing what you’re doing (and try to involve an agent!) I’ll be happy to read any of the Novel you have stored away in there too.
Thank you Derek. Writing a book is my “big” dream – I appreciate your kindness!